


But I thought you loved me

by Narkito



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Domestic Violence, Gen, Intimate Partner Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-11 20:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5641654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narkito/pseuds/Narkito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny gets abused by a significant other and struggles to deal with it, Steve does his best to hold his hand throughout. TW: intimate partner violence/domestic violence. NO graphic descriptions, marked it mature to be safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore Danny's emotions and reaction to being hit by a boyfriend. That's it. I'm trying something new, so it may take a while to complete the whole story, so far I've written three chapters and plotted for a total of six. Wish me luck, and thank you for embarking on this adventure.

He looked himself in the mirror and cringed. There was no way this was going unnoticed. He pressed the bruise on his cheek with two fingers and cringed again. It was tender, swollen and slightly hot to the touch. How was he supposed to explain this? He rummaged in his bathroom and first-aid kit (of sorts, more like impromptu gathering place of band-aids and pills) until he found the cream he was looking for, an exotic concoction he had gotten a few months back for Grace and the huge bruise she had on her knee and thigh from when she fell off her bike. His Ma swore by it. And most important of all, it worked. The swelling and bruising took about half the usual time to go away. That taken care of, he shut off the lights and slipped into bed, hopefully the eye would look better by morning.

Come morning, everything hurt. He had one of those headaches that make you go into existential crisis. Not to mention his face, it felt shattered and scattered all over the sheets. And his shoulders, god, his shoulders and back, they felt as in the vice grip of an iron giant. With a groan that came deep from his chest, he got up and went into the kitchen to get the coffee started.

Making breakfast was more difficult than usual, because the pain kept claiming his undivided attention, so he kept opening a cabinet and forgetting what was that he was looking for, then again, he knew better than to take ibuprofen (or similar) on an empty stomach. Once he had coffee and buttered toast practically forced down his throat, Danny went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. The bruising looked better. A lot better, actually, not as big as yesterday and it hadn't settled under his eye, like he thought it would. It still looked like he had been punched, though, nothing for it now but to keep applying the cream and wait. After swallowing the pill, he stepped into the shower and let the hot water work on loosening his muscles.

Eyes closed and head tipped back, he suddenly had the all-white image of the impact, and quickly straightened, blood rushing on his ears, deafening. His heart was racing and his legs threatened to give out, his hands shot out to brace the wall just in case. He took a deep breath, lungs burning for want of more, and held it, counting to seven in his head, and then releasing slow through his mouth, just like he had been taught on multiple occasions throughout his anger-fuelled life. After four cycles of calming breaths, after his heart had slowed down and didn’t feel like he wanted to swallow all the air in the room, he shut off the water and prepared for work, avoiding to look at himself in the mirror as much as possible, if that meant his hair was fluffier than usual, then so be it. He sure hoped his half-cocked " _walked into a door drunk_ " of an excuse would pass by without too much fuss.

It didn’t.

Danny walked into the office and did what he always did; he started the coffee machine, put out the mugs, aligned the sugar and coffee pot, booted up his computer and sat at his desk, mug in hand, to quick-read through the on-line papers of the day. Yet his heart wasn’t in it, at the back of his mind, pain kept flaring up and he kept trying to stomp it down, and something felt loose beneath his eye. He persevered, putting new found resolution into reading all about a star celebrity that… that… this was nonsense. Utter nonsense. And that’s when Chin made his entrance.

“Hey, Danny, up early as usual— ho, brah, who did you piss off?” 

Danny looked up from the screen and managed to suppress the wince.

“Nothing quite as dramatic, Chin. And good morning to you too.”

And that’s when Kono showed up.

“What you two gossiping about so early— oh, Danny, what happened? Are you alright?”

Kono’s hair was damp and one side of her t-shirt slipped off her shoulder, all chill and relaxed. Just like the tender smile directed at Danny. It almost made him want to tell her the truth.

“Uhm,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “this is kind of embarrassing, so how about I don’t tell you what happened and you don’t ask any further?”

And that was when Steve showed up, obviously.

He must have heard part of the conversation, because when he walked into Danny’s office he was already sporting his “who do I have to kill?” face. He walked up to the desk and flanked Danny on the left, finishing the team-semicircle in front of Danny, that also prevented him from physically removing himself from the situation.

“Hey, Danny, if you’re embarrassed then we definitely have to know. Right, cuz?”

Chin gave a shrug and a tilt of the head. Steve crossed his arms over his chest, muscles bulging with unshed tension and Kono broadened her smile to a toothy shark-like grin. Danny? Danny just sank lower within himself and set out to outright lie to his team. He rubbed his hands over his face in preparation and just went with it.

“ _Argh_ , fine, I was drunk, alright? And I walked into a door. End of story.”

“ _Brah,_ ” said Kono, dimples full on, chin downcast, eyes half-lidded trying to convey the hang-loose attitude and elevating it to the most chilled _are-you-for-real?_ look he had ever seen before. Chin smiled with his eyes, which basically amounted to the same thing as saying “brah” in _that_ tone. And Steve smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but gave one hell of a shot at trying to be genuine.

“Okay, back to work, people,” said Steve, still trying to maintain a relaxed aura about himself, and failing. Chin narrowed his eyes fractionally in Steve’s direction and by the looks of it found whatever he was looking for, before turning around and tapping Kono on her shoulder, gently prodding her to hurry up and leave already.

“Aw, c’mon, cuz, I know you can’t wait to get to the case-packets for HPD, but I can totally wait for my paperwork.”

Danny chuckled behind them as they left the office and closed the door. He took one deep breath and tackled head on the issue at hand.

“Yes, Steven, something you would like to discuss?”

Steve’s lips pressed into a thin line. Danny didn’t waste time trying to get rid of him.

“Well, if that’s all, I actually have a mountain of forms to sign, so...”

Steve inhaled deep and held his breath for a couple of seconds, before releasing slow and steady through his nose. His face relaxed somewhat, as his shoulders dropped back to their normal stance.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

That was not what Danny was expecting. And it must have shown on his face or the pause was too long for Steve’s liking.

“Can you assure me that if I touch your eye, where somebody _punched_ you, you won’t…” Steve made a general gesture at Danny’s face and that right there ignited a sense of annoyance in Danny.

“I won’t _what_ , Steven?”

“Don’t make this hard on yourself, Danno. Grab your stuff and let’s go.” Danny would’ve gritted his teeth if he thought that wouldn’t upset his face. He also knew a lost fight when he saw one. “Let’s beat the injured surfers of the morning and let’s go.” Steve turned to his own office to presumably grab his own stuff and that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ER visit was a necessary evil for Danny, but he regrets it all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, it felt really great and encouraging to get all that attention after one little chapter. I haven't had the time to answer the comments, but I read them all and they made my day as I got them. Thank you for staying tuned. Next chapter in the next 4 to 6 days.

The wait at the ER was dull and numbing. Danny shifted once again on his seat, bumping his shoulder against Steve’s. He checked his watch again, not even ten minutes since last time he checked it. They had been waiting for almost an hour and his headache was getting worse by the minute. The ride had been quick, but bumpy enough that whatever felt loose below his eye, felt free of any strings and sagging now. He was afraid of asking Steve if his face was starting to swell up again and the fact that Steve hadn’t said much during the drive over nor during their stay at the waiting room, didn’t help easing the words out into a normal conversation either.

_“Williams, Daniel?”_

“That’s you, buddy,” said Steve in a fake neutral tone.

“Yeah. I’m going.”

His body ached in a way it hadn’t ached before, and as he crossed the threshold of _patients and authorised personnel only_ , he allowed himself a second to be grateful to Steve for dragging him to the ER.

After being led into a curtained cubicle of sorts, the nurse came, sat him down on the gurney, and took his blood pressure, his O2 saturation, temperature; the works. Then he asked him about his reason to visit the ER this time and Danny froze. The worst part was that he was expecting the question, he had already put on the form he filled out before, he came because of a blow to the head/eye, he had already checked the little boxes for headache, soreness, and a 6 on his own personal pain scale; being asked by a living breathing human being what happened shouldn’t be any different, and yet, he froze. And something terrible must have shown on his face, because the nurse seemed to slow down time with his reassuring smile and soft voice, soothing him with questions that had nothing intrinsically soothing by themselves. He was asked if he felt dizzy, if he was confused, if he had come on his own to the ER, and Danny couldn’t help but blurt out the truth, much like he had almost done it before with Kono.

“My partner hit me.”

He had to give it to the guy, though, he didn’t even bat an eyelash, wrote something on his chart and assured him the doctor would be here in no time, but he would like to go over a few details on his chart, and off they went reviewing his personal information and asking about pain levels and allergies and his medical insurance and any other question that had already been answered by him and Steve an hour before and put down on the form. Then, a petite woman with glasses came in, said good morning, asked the proverbial _what do we have here_ , looked at the chart the nurse passed her and her eyes widened minutely, before resuming her friendly mask.

“Mr Williams—”

“Detective,” he said, and kicked himself inside, “but call me Danny, please.”

“Danny, I’m Dr Erickson, I’ll be taking on your case today, can you please tell me what happened?”

Danny felt the room close in on him. From afar he felt something inside disconnect and disappear. Like he had slipped into an automatic version of himself.

“I got punched in the face,” he gestured towards the affected eye, and as an afterthought added, “it caught me off guard.”

The doctor manoeuvred around the gurney until she was right in front of Danny. She put on the gloves with a loud snap and made an abortive movement towards his face. “May I examine you?”, she said, and Danny thought it odd for about a second, before nodding his acceptance.

The pain shot out from his eye socket to the back of his head and a warm feeling of pressure and needles spread to his forehead and nose. He swallowed a grunt.

“Does is hurt more if I put pressure here.” She pressed under his eye near his nose. “Or here?”. Danny saw white stars and felt like he had been punched all over again, jerking away from the doc and steadying himself with both hands on the gurney. His eye started to get watery and for a moment he thought he might give in and cry.

“Alright, Detective, I think you have a zygomatic fracture, it’s the bone that goes right below your eye and up to the side.” She pointed at her own face in an arching motion from cheekbone to temple. “We’ll need scans to confirm and check for possible damage, it doesn’t feel or look outright deformed, so it’s probably just a hairline fracture, but we need to be sure.”

Danny once again tried to suppress the grimace of pain that he felt forming on his face, as he nodded to the doc that ‘yeah, fine, scan me or x-ray me or whatever’.

“Are there any other injuries?” she asked after a beat or two, her voice detached and clinical.

“No?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yes, I’m fine, just the broken face.” Danny went for a smile, but failed miserably.

“Alright, any headaches?” He nodded. “Dizziness? Sore muscles?”

“Yeah, my neck and shoulders hurt a lot, actually, and a headache, but I think it's because of the eye.”

She made an annotation on the chart.

“When you received the blow, sir, did you hit your head against anything?”

“No, I don’t think so, I mean, I would remember that…. hey, can I ask you for a favour? My partner, Steve McGarrett, is outside waiting for me, and he gets antsy and annoying when he doesn’t know what’s going on, could you let him know it’s going to take a while?”

“Will do. Now, the nurse will come and get you for the X-ray, and afterwards, once we have the results, I’ll prescribe a painkiller and we’ll take it from there to decide the best course of treatment. Any questions?”

Danny shook his head and regretted it immediately. Dr Erickson frowned.

“If you’re in that much pain, I could prescribe an anti inflammatory. It says on your chart you took ibuprofen in the morning.” She checked her watch. “Almost three hours ago?”

“Yeah, after breakfast.”

“Look, it’s not the best idea, and it isn’t as good as a painkiller and anti inflammatory combined, but it will make you more comfortable for a while.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll wait.”

“Alright then,” she said and turned around and left, sliding the curtain aside to get out, and it wasn’t until he saw the glimpse of an HPD’s officer uniform outside that he didn’t put two and two together. What did he do? Cops that get beat up by their significant others don’t rank very high on… anyone’s opinion, actually, cops, perps and society alike. He sank back onto the gurney and lay back. He felt exhausted.

***

Danny didn’t hear the nurse come in, he didn’t hear him open the curtain, he definitely didn’t hear him approach the gurney. He must’ve been thinking about something else, lost in thought as they say. As a result, he startled when he heard the nurse say his name, but not bad enough he needed a minute to collect himself.

_“Detective Williams?"_

The nurse came with an HPD officer in tow, and said officer already had a pad and a pen in hand. At least he didn't know her. “Sir, this is officer Kalani, she’s come to take your statement.”

So this is what made it real then.

For a real life occurrence, the scene felt pretty surreal, it was as if reality flickered over him and all around him, but hadn’t quite reached him, leaving him slightly displaced down and to the left. He felt— He wouldn’t go as far as using the word _vulnerable_ , but it was a close thing; he was shoeless and wearing a gown that had been given to him by the image technician, he had been told not to take it off just yet, ‘cause they might need to redo an angle or something or other, and now he was back to the curtain-cubicle, wearing a stupid flimsy gown, trousers, socks and no shoes. How was he supposed to go out like this, should the need arise?

Danny crossed his arms over his chest, biting his bottom lip.

“No statement. Nothing to say.” The nurse and the officer shared a look, and Danny could already tell they weren’t taking no for an answer anytime soon. He crossed his arms more firmly. “I don’t want to.”

“Detective, I don’t think I have to explain to you how this works,” said the nurse, in a gentle but firm tone. Danny still managed to find it soothing. “However, I also understand this might be a bit too much and frightening when you’re on the other side.The doctor will be here shortly with the X-ray results, but I can tell you already, sir, that you have a massive bruise and that it shouldn’t be there. Whatever happened shouldn’t have ended with you, or anybody, getting hit.”

“We could start at the beginning and see where that takes us, just tell us what happened and we’ll take it from there.” Added officer Kalani.

There was a long pause, and Danny knew this pause, it even had a name, pity he didn’t remember it at the moment. It had a name because it’s often used as an interrogation technique, he’s used it plenty of times, to a very satisfactory degree. People can’t resist pauses, lulls in the conversation, even when they’re not supposed to be talking. Maybe it’s because people are too eager to please. Maybe it’s about spaces that want to be filled with words and narratives, with explanations and recriminations. Or maybe it’s because some stories are just begging to be told.

God help him after this got out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve? Just take me home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for all the comments and kudos. We're halfway there.

In a bizarre way he felt lighter and heavier than before; where he used to be heavy and troubled, he was lighter and cleaner, and where there wasn’t a burden before, there was one now. It could also be the painkillers, or the four hours in total it had taken to finally get discharged, or the twenty minutes he spent under the flash of a camera, letting his bruised up face be handled into whatever angle worked best, or maybe having to recount twice what had happened the day before, answer a dozen very intimate and very pointed questions about his sexuality and the events leading up to the attack ( _god_ , he loathed that word), or who knows, it could’ve been that he had to read his own statement, sign it, and avoid looking into the eyes of anyone involved before finally getting treatment and a pack of ice for his face. The fact that he was in Steve’s truck, looking out the window at the trees and other cars go by, and all Danny had said to Steve since he came out of the ER was to please take him home, didn't help matters either.

At every stop sign, pedestrian crossing or red light, he could feel Steve’s eyes on him. The trip was laden with small aborted movements, the soft whisper of clothes scratching against each other, the distant drone of the radio. Steve’s frown went deeper and deeper the closer they got to Danny’s house, and Danny’s shame grew redder and hotter the closer they got to the point he couldn’t avoid the subject anymore.

Danny had an inkling that Steve _knew_ , but he also understood that he couldn’t possibly know everything, not yet anyway, not until he got a call from HPD asking about a domestic violence complaint from Danny that just got filed into the system, and even though they shouldn’t, he also understood that doing so would be the island way of giving your ohana a heads up.

“Danny, buddy? We are almost there, are you awake?.”

Danny’s sight came slowly into focus, landing on a well known car parked in front of his house, and if the car was here then… 

“Keep driving,” he said to Steve, his voice sounding hoarse even to his own ears.

It was a testament to what Steve _assumed_ was going on, that he didn’t even question Danny’s request. He kept on driving until the next bend, where they parked in front of a random house, whose occupant Danny thought was an old couple that owned half a dozen cats.

Danny searched the street up and down with his eyes, under the scrutiny of Steve’s watchful eye, then he spotted _him_ , coming around his house and peering into a window. Steve was definitely not watching the house, or he would’ve been out of the car by now.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Jesus! Just fuck!” Danny rubbed his face with both hands and winced, slapping a hand to the dashboard and hitting it again and again.

“Whoa! Hey, Hey! Danny! What the— stop hitting my car!” Steve made a move to grab Danny’s offending hand, but Danny pressed himself against the passenger’s window. He could have been cowering or he could’ve been angry enough to not want Steve touching him. Steve couldn’t really tell.

Danny felt like he wanted to scream. If he tore his throat out in the process, all the better. He didn’t know exactly where all this anger came from, maybe he had tapped into that well beneath the daddy-cop-family-man surface, a broiling mass that he had buried under hours upon hours of seminars, reprimands and almost-suspensions from the job back in Jersey, to say that he was a hothead fell short on any imaginable scale. What really mattered, though, was that it felt good to let it all out in one intense, shattering scream. If he weren’t so angry, he would be jubilant. 

Steve had a wide-eyed thing going on, and Danny, in all his emotional turmoil, could still tell Steve was shocked and even more worried than before. “Jesus, man, you scared the shit out of me. What’s wrong?!” Said Steve, hands out in a world known gesture of _calm the fuck down_.

Danny’s hands flew out to encompass the cabin of the truck. “Everything is wrong! The whole fucking world is wrong. But right now, with you here, what’s wrong is that I have to tell you something and I don’t want to! But apparently even keeping my private life private is asking too much of the universe in this fucking game of let’s fuck with Danny until the end of time—”

“Slow down, Danny, you’re not making any sense,” said Steve, hands still out.

“Well, Steven, let’s see if this makes sense to you. See that car right over there?” He pointed behind him with his thumb. “Well, that car belongs to the jerk who did this to my face.” He pointed at himself. “So, if his car’s here…" He seemed to deflate after that. "You can do the math.” 

Steve’s anger flared at the pit of his stomach and his muscles twitched in response, ready for action. Whoever had done this to Danny was here, lurking around his house, he wanted to put a stop to that, but he also needed something actionable; he needed information.“What happened?” 

Danny debated between pretending not to have heard a thing or downright refusing to answer. 

Steve took a deep breath and asked a different question. “Why did he hit you?” It came out a lot softer than originally intended. It also seemed to have an effect on Danny, like it was pushing him closer and closer to a breaking point that neither Steve nor Danny were ready to cross yet. Steve's anger fizzled out after that; Danny came first, not revenge, not getting the guy, but Danny, the one sitting at his side, looking equal parts dazed and sullen. Danny who had had a sort of fit inside Steve’s truck and needed a friend right now, not a bodyguard, not an enforcer, but a friend, someone to listen to him and support him somehow. Steve reached out to him and put his hand on the back of his neck. “I have your back, Danny, whatever you need, I’ve got you.”

“Can you…” He hesitated, swallowed hard and forced the words to come out one by one. “Can you get HPD on the line and tell them Kyle Smith is here? There should already be an arrest warrant to his name.”

Steve’s stomach clenched again, sending a twinge of anger up his spine and to the crown of his head, but he managed to keep his hand relaxed at the one point of contact he had with Danny. He gave one last squeeze to Danny’s neck and got his phone out of the cup holder, dialling Duke’s direct line. 

It rang twice before Duke answered with an amicable _“Howzit, commander?”_

“Hey, Duke, do you have an arrest warrant for Smith, Kyle? Uh-huh. Yeah, I have an eye on him at Manoa Road, driving a burgundy sedan, plate— yeah, that’s the one. Can you send a couple of cruisers to pick him up? Uh-huh. No, no, five-oh is not leading the case. Yeah, he’s sitting inside the car at three-five-two, Manoa Road. Uh-huh. Thanks.”

Steve started the engine and put the truck in gear, giving a side glance to Danny. He said, “ready to go, princess?” Steve didn’t fail to see the flinch. Perhaps it was a poor choice of words. 

“Understatement of the year,” he muttered in response. Then he added with a little more energy. “I do not— do not want to stick around when this idiot gets picked up”.

Steve checked his mirror, giving one last look at this Smith guy and started to ease back into the road. He kept silent for a couple more blocks, noting how Danny went back to looking out the window, with hunched shoulders and a hand that clenched and unclenched at his side at irregular intervals. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Danny crossed his arms over his chest and burrowed into the seat, careful not to look at Steve’s way.

“Fine,” said Steve and kept driving.


	4. Chapter 4

Danny woke with a start and a dull headache that was threatening to become a raging headache; however, it was still a far more pleasant coming to than in the morning. As he blinked back into existence, the happenings of the day came back in one deafening rush of air and dread, solidifying into a big rock on top of his chest. When he sat up on the bed, he had a pang of pain under his eye and wondered if it was time for a new dose of painkillers already. There were noises coming from downstairs and he realised with a start that he was in Steve’s bed. He had noticed before, he just hadn’t… understood what it meant, maybe? _Fuck_.

Danny swung his legs off the bed and checked himself, he was on his boxers and shirt, sleeves loosely rolled up his elbows. He felt uncomfortable, hot to the touch, like an overheated furnace that’s about to melt. He padded barefoot into the bathroom and got the shower going. Perhaps, he thought as cold water washed the remnants of drug induced sleep, he had been naive in thinking that he could keep it all hidden and hush-hush, that if he didn’t say it out loud it hadn’t happened. That maybe, as long as he didn’t look, this was all but a bad dream. How could he know when he first met Kyle that this would happen, how could sweet, tender Kyle, his _boyfriend_ do this to him? The first time they kissed, Danny knew this wasn’t the love of his life, but he also knew something had clicked into place and the streets seemed brighter and more colourful afterwards. He just never figured that for all his own hotheadedness it would be Kyle who threw a punch… to his face.

After the shower, he put a towel around his hips and padded back into Steve’s room. It felt stuffy and humid. He opened a window and sat at the foot of the bed. Looking around he spotted the rest of his clothes on a chair, wrinkled and a reminder of a horrible morning, right up there in the top five worst days of his life. His phone nowhere he could see, though. If his memory served right, it was downstairs on the coffee table, where he had insisted on parking himself on their arrival, before Steve basically pushed him into his room and closed the door on him with stern orders to get some rest. _Right_. Some clothes would do. He took the easy route and raided Steve’s closet for clothes that hadn’t been sweat through. A t-shirt, borrowed boxers (Steve was going to have a fit with that one, and that amused Danny enough to crack a timid smile), faded Navy shorts. He still felt hot, although he was starting to think the perceived temperature had more to do with other _emotions_ he had no interest in examining too close. Danny shook his head and regretted immediately, he kept forgetting about his injury, even though it hurt, even though it was swollen and had been the object of much scrutiny today, a part of him, the majority of him, just kept working under the assumption he was fine, fit a as a fiddle and all of that. _‘Denial’_ , his mind supplied, and would you look at that? Another one of those feelings and ideas he didn’t want to look at too closely.

Once he was dressed and clean. He went to the bed and threw the blankets back and stripped it, picking up the damp towel from the floor and bundling it all up under his arm, heading downstairs. When he was coming down he heard Steve clattering around in the kitchen, behind a closed door. That made him halt; doors were rarely closed around here, unless the conversation on the other side was somewhere on the spectrum of classified. Steve’s voice filtered through.

“ _Listen, I don’t want to know why, if— yeah, that’s right, all I care about is whether they got the guy or not. Either Danny tells me or he doesn’t and I find out some other way, just not today._ ”

A pause, followed by the distinct click of the coffee maker turning off.

“Yeah, yeah. No, we’ll be here for a while I guess, I don’t think he’s going back today. You guys gonna stop by?” The mugs clinked against each other, Steve must be taking them down one handed. “I’ll ask as soon as he’s up. Yeah, talk to you later, Kono.”

Danny was standing just outside the kitchen, his stomach begging him to go inside, the rest of him, to go in the opposite direction, out the house, into a car and right into the soft, warm embrace of his daughter, or his mum. He needed something uplifting and positive in his life like he needed air.

“Hey, Danny! I know you’re in there, I heard you come down, actually I even heard you rummaging through my stuff, you are as quiet as an elephant stampede. You gonna come in or do I have to go and get you?”

Against his better judgement, Danny smiled and pushed the door open. Steve had his back towards him as he set the table.

“You up for eating now?” Steve asked, dumping without much ceremony half a packet of serviettes on the table.

“Yeah, I could eat,” said Danny, realising for the first time exactly how empty his stomach felt. “That Kono on the phone?”

Steve turned around and studied him for a second or two. Danny studied him right back; he looked tired, it was as if the lines on his forehead were doing overtime. Danny had grown unaccustomed to seeing that frown at Steve’s house. HQ? Chasing down a perp? Sure! But he had come to associate Steve’s as a place of happiness and relaxation, a place where that frown had no business making an appearance.

Once they were both done with their respective cataloguing of the other one, Steve said, “yeah, that was Kono, she was saying they want to come over later, check how you doing.”

Danny didn’t sit down at the table, he more or less had a controlled fall into a chair. The bedding he had taken from Steve’s room discarded to a side on the floor.

“So they _know_?” Objectively, Danny knew the team would have to know exactly as much as Steve knew, more by now if he was being honest with himself, but even then he couldn’t stop the words slipping out.

Steve had a plate on one hand and a kitchen towel on the other, he placed the plate on the table and dried his hands with the towel afterwards, sitting across Danny.

“I’m sorry, but, yeah, they know.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest. “Duke placed a call to HQ once they apprehended Smith, Kono was about to tell me what this was all about when you came down, but I figured— well, you heard it. I’ve got the gist of it from what you said and…” Steve made a gesture shrugging one shoulder. “But no details.”

“Can we pretend like nothing happened? For a while?”

Danny didn’t dare meet his eyes, but he could imagine the muscles of his arms bunching up and actually hear him sniff deep and short. Angry. Or annoyed at the very least.

“Yeah, for a while.” Steve stood up and went back to serve coffee and continue lunch preparations.

***

The TV was on, and they had been watching a rerun episode of something or other that had to do with people surviving the wilderness, Danny had barely paid any attention to it, in his memory there was nothing but a flash of green leaves and malfunctioning gear when the credits started rolling. He was boneless against the couch, Steve’s thigh a reassuring weight against his own.

“I wasn’t—” Danny started but didn’t know where to go from there. Steve rolled his head on the back of the couch to look at him, his eyes searching his face in a zigzag pattern.

“Danno?” Steve’s voice came out tight and brittle.

Danny wanted to get this _stuff_ off his chest (as much as he didn’t). He tried again. “He didn’t— it was a one time thing. It’s not like— he didn’t, okay… before. He didn’t.” His own voice sounded brittle and tight now, it sounded _weak_.

There was a lull where all they could hear was the TV go on and on about the upcoming episode of the crazy survivalist of the hour. At the back of his head, Danny had a passing thought of the ‘ _Steven McGarrett Show_ ’ and a glimpse of Steve walking with a knife, camo paint and cargos into a hostile jungle, bright eyed and happy. He chuckled to himself and Steve’s eyebrows moved minutely in question. _Was this the time to be laughing?_ Maybe. He didn’t know anymore.

An explosion on TV startled Danny, followed closely by Steve’s thigh putting more pressure on his thigh, he felt himself relax a bit with that. Steve was his backup, he could count with that.

Steve’s eyes wandered to the TV again, but Danny could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Steve pretended to watch TV, as Danny pretended not to be watching Steve. After the opening credits were over, Steve inhaled deep through his mouth, the tell tale of a decision being made and a couple of words to follow.

“Can I ask you something?” Steve was using the same tone of voice he used with jumpy witnesses, it wasn’t especially soothing and it sat funny with Danny, but he let it slide. He waved his hand at Steve to move forward with his idea. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 _Why didn’t you tell me?_ What was Steve thinking? That he was just going to pick up the phone like a weakling in distress because he got a boo-boo on his eye? Wasn’t this the same man that basically told him to walk it off when he torn his ACL and had to endure two gruelling months of daily physical therapy? Indignation hit him like a bolt of lightning. He was trying to tell him _now_ , because now the issue had transgressed the limits of his private life and bled into his work life and worse, it had become a public matter once he gave a statement to the police. He _had_ to tell him now that HPD had picked up the fucker for questioning regarding a domestic violence complaint, and if the aforementioned _fucker_ decided to contest the charges and take it to trial, his very private life would no longer be private, and every single detail of it would be laid out bare in court to try and dispel the notion this was a type of intimate violence, to move it to a more forgiving court of plain assault to a guy the fucker used to know.

“ _Why didn’t I tell you?!_ First of all, I was trying to!” He pointed a finger to Steve’s face and had to battle the impulse of jabbing that finger into Steve’s chest to underscore every word, however, the edge to Danny’s voice was impossible to deny, and as effective as the poking would’ve been. “But it’s hard, alright? It’s not like I set out to find a guy that would punch me because he didn’t like what I was saying, okay?! Plus, I don’t have to tell you everything. _You_ don’t tell me everything, _fuck_ , you basically tell me nothing! What you do is grunt and look the other way, god forbid you actually acknowledge an emotion other than anger! Jesus! _Why, why, why_ , everybody wants to know why, what if I don’t have the reason, huh? What then?!”

He hadn’t realised he had it in him to outburst like that, he hadn’t realised how much shit he was packing inside, waiting to blow out. He also had the presence of mind to realise he was being maybe a bit unfair to Steve, that he had shouted at him for no good reason and that made him chilly and shivery inside. He was a mess. He felt like a mess; gooey and spilling, bursting at the seams, cracking and crumbling all at the same time. He was collapsing, exploding and imploding; each of the different forces pulling into an opposite direction in a synchronised chaos that kept him whole on the outside, but an absolute _mess_ on the inside.

Steve was looking at him with pity now, and wasn’t that the kicker, the last thing he wanted was for his best friend to think him weak. He sighed and it came as a sob, followed by another one and another. Steve’s arm came around him, and he went with it refusing to actually give in and cry, but appreciating the half hug anyway. Steve tucked him under his chin and held him tight.

“Danny, I know you’re angry.” And this time Steve’s voice _was_ soothing. “You’re right, I’m an expert on anger, and I can tell you’re angry now. I get it. I’m sorry my— I’m sorry.” He was rubbing circles on his back as he talked. “I didn’t mean to upset you, or to pry. I’m just confused I guess, I don’t know what I did wrong with you, I don’t know what I did that you never told me you had a boyfriend. No one on the team knew. Not even Kono, and she’s nosey, she knows everything. But she had no idea and I don’t know, man, I just want to make it right.” There was a pause and once again the voices from the TV were the only ones filling up the space. “Look, someone hurt my best friend and I wanna kill him, alright, but none of that is more important than you, I just want to be your friend now and if what you need is to yell at me, it’s fine. I didn’t mean anything bad with… I didn’t mean to kick you while you’re down.” He nodded once, with determination. His speech was over.

Danny let the words fill him up and reinforce his inner structures, like a central column made of cosy and warm feelings.

“I take it all back, you do know emotions, you just suck at putting them into words. And you also suck at making questions. And giving people space. And at cooking when it doesn’t involve charring meat on a grill. God, you’re an _asshole_ , Steven.” Steve let out a laugh that made his chest rumble and Danny followed with a bemused snort. “But you’re a good friend.” Danny’s voice had taken a watery edge to it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, it’s not your fault, I know none of this is. You’re a good friend.”

There was another pause and Danny burrowed further into the comfort of Steve’s chest. It was warm and it felt right, it felt safe where nothing had felt like that since Sunday. Not HQ, not the ER, not the trip back to his own house, not even sleeping on Steve’s bed -a privilege he was well aware of- felt safe, but here, now, enveloped on Steve’s arms, rising and falling in tandem with his breathing, it felt like what he wanted to get out of any sort of deep relationship ever in his lifetime. It only felt natural to tell him now, considering he hadn’t had the balls to do it before.

“I met him at a bookstore. Of all places.” He smiled at the memory. “I was getting Grace a new book and couldn’t find it. He helped.” If he weren't talking to Steve’s chest, he might have spread his hands in front of him and smiled some more. “And he was real nice and charming, so we got talking. Time got away from us and it was obvious there was something there, so we exchanged numbers and that was that. I was kinda flattered, you know?” Steve hummed in response, doing his best not to interfere. “Charlie wasn’t out of the woods yet, and Melissa had completely disappeared from my life after one lousy text message, refusing to take my calls, you had your falling out with Catherine and I don’t know, it felt good. Anyway, I had forgotten all about it when he called one day, like two weeks later, completely out of the blue and he asked me out. And I thought, why the hell not.” Their first date had been, against all of Danny’s preconceived notions, cute. Kyle gave him a children’s book as a bit of a joke, but Danny found it endearing and things had gone really well that afternoon. And the next date and the next until he had found himself with a boyfriend. “I don’t know what happened, it’s not like he was manipulative, or controlling or any of those things you know you have to look out for, we were fine, we were good. Then last Sunday, we were… arguing and it was like flipping a switch and that’s when… you know.”

Steve hummed again and hugged Danny a little tighter, careful not to put pressure anywhere near his injury.

“I’m sorry, man,” said Steve, heartfelt, and voice charged with unshed emotion.

“Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this story is still working for you guys. Once again thank you for accompanying on this journey.


	5. Chapter 5

Danny and Steve stayed sprawled on the couch after their stilted talk; Danny’s head settled onto Steve’s shoulder, Steve’s arm extended all the way behind Danny’s head. Not talking, not even properly watching TV either, but just being there together for a while, all talked out and pretty much exhausted. Then Danny’s face started aching, like a little fireball burning it’s way out through layers of skin, but never quite reaching the point of maximum pain, nor receding, but rather settling in a pool of undefined limits and, geez, it drove him insane. He got up to the kitchen, filled a tall glass of water and went chasing down his meds on the coffee table, where they lay since they had gotten back from the ER. He downed the white pill and drank the entire glass in one go, smacking his lips up in satisfaction when he was finished. Then, he reached out to his phone, he needed to call Grace. And Rachel, let her know what had happened, put them on alert in case of… anything, really. He made a sign to Steve with the phone that meant ‘upstairs’ and left. Steve fixed his eyes on the TV for a while, then turned it off and went into the lanai, already shedding clothes and setting his sights on the sea. A short swim was sorely needed.

Danny heard the lanai doors as he dialled Grace’s phone, he went into Steve’s room to look out the window. Much like he had figured, Steve was wading the waves into the sea and diving into it in one swift movement. The phone rang only twice.

“Danno! I was just about to call you.” Was Grace’s cheery greeting.

Grace’s voice came like a mollifying balm, reaching into his inner chaos and softening up the sharper edges.

“Hey, Monkey. What did you wanna talk about?” He sat down at the edge of Steve’s bed, letting his head hang between his shoulders, putting his complete focus into Grace’s words.

“It’s just that next Friday there’s going to be a pool party at Lyndy’s and I really want to go, can I go?” _Ah, so back to being friends, good to know._

“What did your mum say?” This was a critical question, for, oh, so many reasons, the main one being that Rachel and he had a somewhat strained relationship right now, not nuclear bad like after the divorce, but not the polite well-oiled machine they had going before the whole Charlie incident. Even thinking about it for a fraction of a second made him bitter.

“She said she had to talk with you first.” Came Grace’s soft reply.

_Well, shit._ He scooted all the way up to the bed’s headboard and made himself a little nest with the pillows.

“Oh, so you wanted me to know I had to call her, right? About the party?” He was positive this sort of mildly sarcastic tone annoyed Grace, but the part of his brain that was supposed to help with the tiny details of parenting, such as ‘stop being sarcastic towards your child,’ seemed to be slacking off. “Surely you weren’t doing that thing where a parent already vetoed something, and you call the other one to see what happens, right?”

“No, Danno.” Danny could practically see her; eyes downcast and a pout. The poster child of sullen and repentant.

“Oh, good. You were going to be in so much trouble if you did.” He went for playful and quite possibly missed by a mile. “So, who’s going to be at this awesome pool party?”

“Everyone!” Grace cheered at the mention of the party. She must’ve really wanted to go. A part of Danny wanted to say yes just to listen to her be happy over the phone. Last month had hit them both with their guards down and in their most tender of places; family.

“Okay, I doubt that. Who’s everyone?”

“Oh, you know, friends and _stuff_.”

“You mean boys, this is one of those parties, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.” Danny did not— _did not_ want to think about Grace dating right now, not even the sweet ‘let’s share a sundae’ kind of dating kids do. Not under the circumstances.

“Right. How about parents, are Lyndy’s parents gonna be there?” 

“Umm… no.” Grace’s voice came out a hesitant whisper. “Her parents are on a cruise, I think, the nanny will be there, and an aunt.”

“Uh-huh. Let me talk with your mum about this one, alright?”

“You’re gonna say no, aren’t you?”

“Well, your odds are not very good, kid, but still let me talk with her first, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll go find her. _MUUUUM!_ ” Danny took the phone off his ear after that one and grimaced, a pang going up the side of his head. There was mumbling coming from the other side, so he put the phone on speaker on his lap. “Dad? You there?”

“Yeah, Gracie, right here.”

“Oh, good. She’s coming. So what were you calling about?”

_Yeah, no, maybe just talk with Rachel and take it from there._

“Oh, you know, just to listen the beautiful melody of my daughter’s voice… or shrieks, whatever, they’re melodious either way and I love you, sweetheart,” he said with a smile.

“Love you too, Danno,” said Grace in between giggles. “Hey, daddy, here’s mum. Bye.”

“Bye, honey.”

“ _Daniel_.” The tone was curt but not overtly hostile, he could work with that.

“Hey, Rachel. How are things?” There was a clear rustle that indicated a change of scenery, Rachel must have moved to her room or at least away from Grace.

“Good. Charlie’s doing better, so there’s that. Still not an actual date of release, though.”

“I’m glad he’s better, I think I’ll visit him Thursday, if that’s okay?” They had gotten to the point where Charlie didn’t need his mum or dad ( _Step-Stan_ ) around to feel safe with Danny, but it still wasn’t an actual father-son relationship, asking these things was important, especially if he didn’t want to run into Rachel unannounced. He wished he could pick up more hospital shifts, though, caring for Charlie was the only thing he could do as a parent right now, and taking night shifts was still impossible, since Charlie only wanted to sleep next to a person he actually recognised as a parent, someone he had formed an attachment to.

“Sure, go whenever you want, Danny. Just—” She hesitated. “If you start going often, try and make it as close to a schedule as possible; stability for a child is very important…” For a second there it looked like she was going to actually school him about parental skills, which, _no, fuck, no_. But then. “Oh, Danny, I know you know, I’m sorry.” She took a shuddering breath and he felt a bit better. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Danny put the phone back to his ear, turning the off the speaker.

“Well, two things. One, Grace wants to go to a pool party: yay or nay?”

“Ugh, Danny, where do I start? No parental supervision, not really. You know who the aunt is? Remember that woman that once flirted her way out of a DUI and told the story at Gracie’s—"

“Yeah, yeah, I remember.” He cut her off, _boy_ did he remember her, at the time he didn’t know whether to laugh at the naivety of the woman telling that story in front of cops, or if to weep for the stupidity of newly minted street cops. Steve had just chuckled, blinked rapidly a few times and crossed his arms over his chest, sharing a quick look of ‘can you believe this?’ with Danny and then playing it cool and detached.

“Well, that’s her.” _Oh, like hell was Gracie, the love of his life, going to step foot in a place under the drunken vigilance of that—_ but then again, Grace was different now, she was mellower, even sad would be a good way of describing her, maybe just this once?

“Mmm, I mean, flirting your way out of a ticket is not _that_ bad.”

“A DUI, Daniel!”

“Okay, okay, I get you. I’m just saying… I know other women who are not entirely bad that have done similar things, that’s all.”

“Was there a compliment in there, Danny? Did I hear right?”

_Yeah, no. No. Maybe._

“ _Ugh_ , maybe. So, no, no pool party on Friday—” She cut him off. A rustle of fabric sharp on the line.

“I’ll get Grace back so you can—”

“No, no. Wait!”

“What?”

Danny sighed and let the silence between them stretch two or three seconds too long. He sighed again.

“Actually there’s a thing I have to tell you. I… I’m suing a guy for assault.” There was a sharp intake of air on Rachel’s side and even though what he was saying wasn’t good, he didn’t really think it was that bad either, it was -after all- the bleached version of what had actually happened. “It’s a personal thing, Rachel, not a cop thing. So, umm, if this thing goes to trial, things could maybe get… ugly? I don’t know really, but I figured… I don’t know, I’m giving you a heads up, I guess, in case someone knocks on your door trying to get a character reference for the other side or something.”

“You would think you could’ve led with that, way to bury the lead there, Danny. How serious is this? Am I going to have— wait… assault? Are you in hospital? Are you alright?”

“Thanks for asking, I was getting worried there. No, yeah, I’m fine, I mean, I have a hairline fracture on my face. I’m off field duty for at least a month, but I can go back to work on Wednesday, I’m at Steve’s right now actually, but all in all, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound like it, are you sure? What happened? How did a five-oh cop got assaulted and it’s not related to work, what are you not telling me?”

“Look, I’m fine, seriously, sore and bruised, but fine, still kicking, okay? It’s kind of complicated how it happened and I’m still kinda processing it myself, but trust me, I’m good. I just wanted to give you a heads up, just in case, I mean, complaints like this can take a while, it could be months before something moves, or a couple of weeks from now I get a call to let me know this got settled off court, you know? Just a heads up, Rachel, nothing else.”

“Did you know the guy? Was it someone from HPD? Are they still giving you grief?”

“No, trust me, if I ever get punched by someone from HPD it will be work related.” He was going for lighthearted and could tell by the end that his sentence had come out heavy handed and bleak. “Look, Rachel, relax. I’m fine, you’re fine, Gracie’s fine, Steve’s fine, everything is fine, not perfect, but you know—”

“Fine.”

“Yeah.”

Rachel took a beat before continuing her side of the conversation. “I still think you’re not telling me something.”

“You know me too well.” Danny smiled into the phone; eight years of marriage teach you things about your spouse that just never ever go away.

“Okay, if you need anything, anything at all, don’t hesitate to call. What are you telling Grace?”

“Nothing yet, if you could break out the bad news about the party, though, please? I’ll pick her up on Friday from school and tell her about the other stuff, it’ll look better by then too. Yeah?”

“Sure, Danny. Please take better care of yourself.”

“Will do.” There was a beep and the call was over.

Between the phone call and the painkillers he was beat, he didn’t have it in himself to go back down to keep on watching crappy TV. He scooted down and lay on his back in the middle of the bed, relishing the softness of Steve’s freshly made bed. At some point after lunch Steve had put ‘ _some order to my room, Danno, because you’re a slob_ ’ and the place was just temperature perfect and before he knew it he had fallen asleep.

***

He woke up to the feeling of somebody watching him. It didn’t exactly startled him, painkillers way too effective in incapacitating his reflexes. All that came out was a garbled “what?” once he was awake enough to see Steve’s silhouette come into focus next to him. 

“Nothing, just go back to sleep, sorry I woke you.” He didn’t move, after saying this, not a centimetre away from the bed. Danny took it as an opportunity to roll off his stomach into his back and adjust the pillows and his arm under his head. Raise a bit to be able to see Steve better. “You fell asleep with your shoes on,” said Steve, caught between staring at the aforementioned shoes and looking anywhere but Danny. 

“Have I mentioned how much I hate painkillers and how tired they make me?” His voice came slurred and out of focus. 

“Once or twice. Or a hundred,” said Steve, locking eyes with Danny with a sort of determined face.

“I should go home.”

“Yeah, you should.”

“’Cause your couch is going to be murder for my face.”

“Yeah, it will.”

“Or I could stay all the same and try not to roll on my left side.”

“Or you could do that.” Steve tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders for added effect. 

Danny’s eyes were drooping already, so Steve made the strategic decision to leave him alone. He could take care of the more domestic stuff, like calling the team and telling them that Danny wasn’t up for visitors just yet. Tidy up the living room. Get his things ready for tomorrow, when he had to go back to work. He turned to go.

“Hey, Steve…” Danny sounded hesitant to Steve’s ears. He stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder to prompt Danny to go on. “How far deep inside did you have to reach to do the…” He pointed downstairs and his mind supplied several inadequate words, such as ‘couch’ and ‘cuddling’. “Thing?” 

Steve’s face crumbled into a pained expression. He blinked a few times and with each blink, he arranged his face into a smooth blanket of nothingness, fixating his sight just over Danny’s head. Hiding away from Danny’s prying eyes. No matter how hard he tried, Danny always managed to ask questions he didn’t have an answer to. He said something else instead. “You’re welcome . I’ll tell the guys not to come today, that you need your beauty sleep.”

“How about they come tomorrow morning, pick you up for work and one of them drives me my car here?”

“Alright then, I’ll let you sleep. You need anything give me a shout.”

There wasn’t an answer as Danny had already closed his eyes. Steve debated with himself for all of two seconds about taking off Danny’s shoes, before he settled for untying them and let him be. Even though he thinks Danny won’t wake again, he would rather not risk it. He needs to rest, a lot. And so did he. He closed the bedroom door and headed downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, one more chapter to go. In an unrelated note, I so need a Beta or at least someone to bounce ideas with, 'cause let's face it, I suck at making interesting plots. Next fic will be better. I promise. Drop me a line if you have any suggestions. And as always, thank you so much for sticking with me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the comments, the kudos, the people that told me I didn't suck at making up plots (I really needed that). This is the final chapter, the longest chapter, because it figures Steve and Danny had a lot to say yet. 
> 
> Special shot out and round of virtual hugs to [ Ilmare_Ilse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilmare_Ilse) for giving me critical advice on a critical scene. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the story, because I sure enjoyed myself writing it.

The door to the lanai swung open and Steve walked in zipping up his hoodie. Towel over his neck, his hair was wet but not dripping. He frowned when he spotted Danny.

Danny was drizzling copious amounts of honey into oatmeal bowls, disregarding the mess he was causing on the table. Steve frowned deeper. 

“What are you— you’re smearing honey all over my counters, man!”

Alright, that made Danny’s hackles rise a bit, but he could let go of that, being the morning and the start of a new day.

“What’s up, swim not relaxing enough?”

Steve made to grab the honey bottle and spoon, but Danny dodged him and swayed on his feet before catching himself against the edge of the table. He gave Steve a bright smile.

“Just give it, breakfast doesn’t need more honey on it. Jesus!”

Danny’s brows went up in mild disbelief, geez; he was just trying to do something for the man.

“What, a fish crawled up your ass out there? What’s the matter with you, I’m trying to do something nice here!”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“Fine,” said Danny, and put down the honey, raising his hands in mock defence. This was ridiculous. 

“Fine,” replied Steve, already reaching for a wet rag to clean up the mess. Danny chuckled. Trust Steve to be even more of a control freak in the morning after a ‘relaxing’ swim. Danny leaned back his weight into the table and crossed his arm over the elbow. He was amused at the scene. 

Steve stretched far over the table to reach a few stray droplets of honey, and then suddenly let out a groan, scrambling to support himself with the other hand.

“What, you hurt yourself there, Aquaman? Life out of the sea not treating you nice?” Danny smiled. Steve made a gesture at him, a rude one.

“No. It’s the couch. It hurt my back.” He stretched against the kitchen counter, making an impossible curve with his body that defied gravity and reminded Danny of a cat. Danny snorted in laughter at his own thought. Steve stared up at him sharply. His eyes were glossy and the pupils little pinpoints of black. Steve couldn’t help but notice the bemused smile on Danny’s lips and how he was supporting himself against the table with both a hand and his hip. “Danny, did you take your meds this morning?”

“Yeah. Why? You want to _borrow_ some for that back of yours?”

“Huh, funny. No. Did you take them before you had breakfast?” Steve had that tone of voice that meant _I strongly disapprove, but I won’t say it out loud right away_. Danny _loathed_ that tone of voice.

“Well, yeah, I was waiting for you, but my face was killing me. And my Ma always told me to wait for others at the table, she raised me well, Steven; she also said that to leave others waiting was rude.” Steve groaned inwardly. “She instilled some manners in me. Only some, mind you.”

“Right.” He dragged the word. “Hurry up then, the team will be here in like thirty minutes.”

Steve sat down at the table and stirred the contents of his bowl.

“Mmm, so, why did I agree to this again?”

“Because they’re ohana and they haven’t seen you since yesterday when I pretty much had to drag you to the ER. Plus, they are bringing you clothes, so you don’t have to wander around the house like a ghost with my navy sweats anymore.”

_Wander? He doesn’t wander!_

“I don’t wander around like a _ghost_ , Steven. I’m in pain and Vicodin makes me loopy, okay? And your clothes are ludicrous, not just the sweats, but your everything, what do you do? Do you go to the closest supermarket and buy this t-shirts in bulk?” Danny pinched the tee he was wearing between two fingers and pulled at the fabric. Steve rolled his eyes. “How did you even manage to wear a uniform in the Navy? Huh? How? Did you break out in hives or something? I’ve always wondered—” His hand slipped off the counter and he rushed to get both feet firmly underneath him, avoiding a fall. Steve pressed his lips into a thin line and got close and personal into Danny’s space.

“Hey, Danny, stop.” He was aware it might annoy Danny, but watching him stumble around the house for the past twenty hours in faked nonchalance had started to grate on his nerves. “Stop for a second and answer me this, on a scale of one to ten, how high are you?” He didn’t mean to chastise, _and yet_. 

Danny’s smile broadened. 

“I’m a _Bon Jovi’s New Jersey Tour, nineteen eighty nine_ , kinda high.” 

“ _Nineteen eighty nine?!_ Weren’t you like thirteen? What were you doing high at a concert at _thirteen_?”

“If you must know, it was a contact high. Mostly. And it was the first time I got high, so I don’t think I’ve ever been higher.”

“Oh-kay.” Steve needed to back down, he needed to stay calm. He willed himself to stretch his neck and uncross his arms. “Have some breakfast; it will help you settle… whatever this is.”

“Yeah, okay, only because you seem to be the responsible one today.” Danny plopped into a chair and dragged an oatmeal bowl across the table until it was in front of him, shovelling food in like his life depended on it. Once he could slow down a bit, he asked, “so, who’s coming again?”

“Kono and Chin. Lou sends his love—” Danny snorted at that, but then coughed, when what felt like half a spoon of oats managed to go into the wrong pipe.

“His love, sure.” Danny muttered in between coughs.

“—and Jerry’s visiting his mum.” Finished Steve.

After the coughing fit was over, aided by a big gulp of juice, Danny said, “does Lou really send his love, or was it more like a dudes-that-are-into-dudes-make-me-uncomfortable kinda thing?”

Steve stopped, spoon still in his mouth. ( _Deep breath, maintain in, exhale through nose_ ). He chewed thoughtfully for a moment and ever so slowly returned the spoon to his bowl. 

“Has he ever said something… inappropriate to you?” 

Danny, sweet Danny, high-as-a-kite Danny, was even more transparent than his usual self. He started drawing on the condensation of his juice glass, dabbing his finger into the moisture around it and spreading it to the sides on the table. 

“No.” 

“Is there something I need to know?”

“No. But… he hasn’t been exactly the opposite, either, you know? I mean, Kono and Chin I’ve gotten to know, but Lou? Not so much, and he’s such a guy’s guy, I don’t know. Forget I said anything.”

“Danny. I hate to play this card, but I _am_ your boss, and the team’s leader—”

“Like hell you’re my boss!” Danny sat up straighter.

Steve made a mental effort to ignore the jab at his command and continued. “So it’s important that I make sure everyone in my team is… safe and feels welcomed. If there’s anything you need to say, now would be a perfect time.”

“Nope, nothing to report. Sit tight. Call the cavalry back. Please don’t shoot up the place in frustration.”

“I’m still going to have this conversation with you back at the office when you’re… sober.” Danny groaned into his hands, this was rapidly turning in one of those conversations he did _not_ want to have. “And as your friend.” Steve spread his hands before him, making sure he was getting Danny’s attention. “Snap out of it. Cat’s out of the bag. You lied to all of us for what, a month? Two? Not anymore, everyone knows. So get used to it.”

 

It was as if someone had poured boiling oil down Danny’s back. Something stretched further then it could go and snapped inside of him.

 

“Excuse me?! I lied to all of you? Because… what? Informing my _boss_ that I’m sometimes gay is a requirement now?” Danny leaned into the table, both hands gripping the edge white-knuckle hard. “What? You gonna court-martial me out of five-oh in retaliation? You gonna invoke DADT and kick me out?! Oh, wait, sorry, even the fucking _military_ is more sensible than you _now_!”

“Navy! Daniel!” Steve slapped his hand hard against the table. The spoons rattled inside the empty breakfast bowls and Danny retreated until his back hit the back of his chair. “It’s the fucking Navy!”

“Who the fuck _cares_ , Steven?!” Danny yelled, hands out of front, as if imploring the heavens, or to strangle Steve, whichever came easiest.

“I care, you stupid asshole! I care! But you obviously don’t, because it took some shady boyfriend kicking the shit out of you—”

“He did not kick—”

“—for you to even acknowledge that you had a significant other! I had to find out through a misguided HPD officer that my _partner_.” He pointed to himself. “ _My_ partner, was filing for assault and I drove him there, and I called my self his best friend and I had no idea!”

“Have you thought, you self-centred prick, that maybe— maybe! This isn’t about you?!”

“Well it became a personal thing when I got grilled by this rookie and I realised that the she was making not too-subtle enquiries to figure out if I was the _partner_ in your domestic violence fairy-tale! You think it was fun—” 

Danny shot out of his seat and leaned forward, slapping both his hands on the table, levelling down to stare Steve in the eye. It startled Steve into resigned stillness.

“Fun? FUN?! You wanna talk about _fun_ , try getting the shit kicked out of you -as you so beautifully put it- because you won’t put out, how’s that for fun?! Trust me, it was _hilarious_!”

Steve let his gaze drop to the table top, pursing his lips. His left hand reached to the edge of the table, very careful not to touch Danny. 

“Well.” He practically sighed out. “Maybe it wouldn’t have happened if you had said something before.” He lifted his eyes searching for Danny’s, but he had his head hanging between his shoulders, arms trembling ever so slightly, all Steve could see was the messy curls at the back of his bed-head. “If you actually had the balls to tell your best fucking friend that you’re gay.”

Danny straightened and lifted his arms over his head. “I am NOT gay!” He shouted

“Sometimes you’re into DUDES! Whatever!” Steve shouted back.

Someone cleared their throat at the kitchen door and Steve jumped like a scared cat out of a cartoon, whilst Danny flinched with his entire body and covered his face with both hands, as he slumped back into his chair. Elbows on the table, he let out a mirthless chuckle. “Figures,” he mumbled. 

“To be fair, we did knock,” said Chin from the door, holding up two fingers. “Twice.” Kono gave him a wide-eyed side glance and got herself into the room. She looked from the slumped figure of Danny to Steve, who was looking a bit shaken himself. 

“Okay, guys, time out,” said Kono and sat down next to Danny.

“Steve, come with me.” Chin clapped Steve on the back before going back to the living room. Steve let out a breath through his mouth, got up and followed.

“Talk to me, Danny, what’s going on?” 

“You have to ask?” Answered Danny from behind his hands.

“No. I mean, I _know_ what’s going on. But I want to know what you think.”

Danny supported his head on his right hand and turned to look at Kono. Kono winced at the sight of the bruise, deep purple and shiny. Silence stretched between them as the soft echoes of Steve’s and Chin’s voices trailed from the living room, impossible to make out what they were saying. 

“Danny. It’s just me. You can tell me anything and I promise it stays just between you and me.”

“I don’t know, Kono, I…” Danny chewed on his bottom lip and stared at the kitchen wall for a couple of seconds, before returning his eyes to Kono. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Is it a problem that I didn’t tell you guys about—” Danny pressed his lips together and nothing else came out.

“The gay thing? The boyfriend thing? Or the assault thing?” Kono supplied and Danny grimaced. 

“I’m not gay, you know?” It was a moot point, but he needed to fill up the air with something. 

“I know now; I heard you, brah, loud and clear.” 

Danny kept staring at her, and the more he did, the more words just jumbled up together in his throat, knotting and tangling with themselves. His eyes prickled and he became fully aware that he was about to cry. 

“Oh, Danny, come here.” She reached out and pulled him into a fierce hug, the table corner dug painfully into her hip and the angle was awkward, but she held on. “I know your mind goes to the worst possible scenario every single time. But c’mon, have a little faith in your people, alright?” A sob escaped him and Danny felt mortified. Kono rolled on. “I kinda knew about you not being a hundred percent straight, and it’s okay Danny, nothing wrong with that. You didn’t say anything so I didn’t, because, well, everybody is entitled to a little privacy, right? And I was disappointed to realise you got hurt and didn’t say anything about it, but I get it. And that’s not on you, man. It’s on us. Steve, Chin, Lou… it’s on us. Boss-man wasn’t kidding when he said it’s his job to ensure a safe environment for everybody.”

Danny nodded on her shoulder and tapped her arm gently to disentangle from her. Once he had some space for himself, he dried the tears on his eyes with the hem of his (Steve’s) t-shirt, involuntarily flashing Kono with furry abs and a bit of chest. Nothing she hadn’t seen before, truth to be told. He sniffled again and levelled his eyes to Kono’s.

“I’m okay. Stop looking at me like I’m about to break.”

“No, Danny, you’re not okay, and nobody expects you to be, but you’ll get there. Just hang on and let us help.”

Danny’s smile was both warm and sad.

“How did you know?”

Sensing a shift in conversation, Kono gave him a wicked sly smile that lit up her eyes.

“I saw you checking out the barista at the coffee place, and the bartender at the bar, _and_ the waiter at the other place.”

He was floored. “Am I that obvious?” Danny squeezed shut his eyes and braced himself for the answer. 

“Nah, but I was kinda checking them out too, so…” An idea popped into her head. “Is this the problem?” She added, back to serious face and voice. “You don’t want people to know?”

And that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it? Danny took a deep breath and settled himself, exhaling slow through his mouth.

“No, Kono, I don’t want it to be public, I would much rather avoid being the butt of a bad joke, or worse.”

That ‘worse’ was left hanging in the air, but Kono could easily imagine what that meant. She had been there when three quarters of HPD turned their backs at Chin, as did their family, and it would be just as easy to see the same variety of leers and vicious comments directed at Danny for non other reason than he was different, if anything a sizable number of them had already done so when he was deemed nothing more valuable than a haole. She toyed with her necklace and studied him. Reaching a decision, she let go of her St Michael medal and leaned a bit closer.

“If anybody, ever, gives you any grief about this, point them out to me and I’ll kick them six ways from Sunday. I mean it. Any day, any time. You say the word, Danny, even if it is the boss. I got you.” 

Danny’s heart soared, and the giddiness tugged at the corners of his mouth until it became a timid smile. 

“I can fight my own battles, you know?”

“Oh, I know you’re a badass motherfucker—

“Kono.”

“—but this is what friends do, brah, get used to it.” She hit him playfully on the arm and Danny immediately rubbed the spot, smiling.

”You can count me in too,” said Chin entering the kitchen. “I don’t care what it is; I’m your friend too.”

“I was just telling him that if anybody picks on him on the school yard I got his back.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely; you name then, I hack them.”

“Chin-Ho Kelly, who would’ve thought.” Chin gave him a warm, tender smile. Danny reciprocated. 

An understanding clicked into place between them and they let the moment pass in silence. Danny looked at the cousins under a different light, as did Kono to Danny. Chin stood back and let those two sort out their feelings. After a couple of seconds, he said. “Steve’s upstairs, changing for work. Your stuff’s next to the couch.” He produced the Camaro’s keys from his pocket. “She handles perfectly, I can see why Steve has a problem letting go of it.”

Danny took the keys and put them on the table. _Steve_. 

“You had a talk with the boss?” Asked Kono, all pent up energy. Ready to kick some butt now if necessary.

“Yeah, he’s… listen, Danny, I don’t mean to tell you what to do or how to feel, but his heart is in a good place. If it makes any difference, he says he’s sorry.”

“It does. Thanks Chin.”

Chin and Kono exchanged a look and Kono stood up. “Okay, and on that note, we gonna get going.” She put the chair back into its place, took the bowls and placed them in the sink. A blur of movement and efficiency. She then bent at her waist and smacked her lips into Danny’s uninjured cheekbone with a wet kiss. “See ya later, Danny.”

Danny took the hand that she was using to steady herself against his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. And with that and a couple more of hand waves, the cousins, his _friends_ , were gone.

 

***

He waited for Steve outside his bedroom. When he came out he was already dressed for work, adjusting the badge on his belt. Danny meant to apologise, but Steve beat him to it by a fraction of a second. 

“I’m sorry, Danno. I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. I was— it sounds stupid now, but I was trying to help.”

“I know. You’re a controlling freak who thinks you can micromanage every single situation and hijack people and their thoughts and feelings to your satisfaction—” Steve conveyed him with an incredulous look, mouth agape and raised eyebrows. “But that’s the GI Jerk I’ve learnt to love and appreciate.” Steve gave a tentative smile. “For what is worth. I’m sorry too, for not saying anything before about me. I didn’t think it would be this bad, or at all, but I can see that it hurt you, and I’m sorry.” Steve smile grew, spreading into his eyes.

“We good?” 

“Yeah, we good.” Danny smiled back.

Steve fidgeted with his belt buckle and his badge. Stalling for time to figure out what to say without intruding too much, Chin had given him the dressing down of a lifetime on respecting people’s privacy, just like he liked his own to be untouchable. 

“Okay. You still going home today? Because you can stay as long as you want.”

“I know, babe, but it’s getting old. And I saw what that couch did to your back and now that you know how uncomfortable it is, I don’t think you can -in all honesty- tell me either you or me should attempt sleeping on that thing ever again.” Steve chuckled at the lightness of their banter, maybe he hadn’t screwed up so bad this time. “I mean seriously, why you own a couch that you can’t even sleep in, better man than me have tried, but… you should redecorate, you know? I meant, seriously, not that hard.”

“Aw, Danno, look who’s micromanaging other people’s lives now.”

“I learnt from the best.” Danny wiggled his eyebrows in jester and immediately regretted it, his face wasn’t up for contortions just yet. “Okay, I’m gonna shower now. You, scoot. You might be the boss, but as of now you’re indecently late for work.”

“Okay, I’ll call ya later, buddy.” He was already half down the stairs when he called over his shoulder. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you too!” Said Danny before he went into Steve’s bedroom and then into the bathroom. 

***

As he was taking off his t-shirt, his phone started to ring. He dropped the tee to the floor and glanced at the screen. Caller ID put it as Central HPD, so virtually it could be anyone calling from an extension over there.

“Detective Williams,” he picked up.

“Good morning, this is Detective Mahelona. I’m calling about the complaint you filed yesterday, I’m the detective in charge of your case.” Oh boy, he needed to sit down for this one.

“Alright, I’m listening.”

“I wanted to tell that Mr Smith has already been walked through the system and as of nine this morning he’s a temporary resident at Halawa facility, awaiting a trial decision on your case, before he gets shipped off back to the mainland. No bail in the interim. Turned out he had an outstanding warrant for a domestic violence dispute with his ex-husband back in Colorado, and your complaint turned to be his third offence in the past two years.” Air rushed out of him and he felt as if he was listening through cotton balls. “I’m building the case for the prosecution and I have a few questions. I was wondering if you could come to the station or if it would be better if I came to you?”

“No, umm.” He cleared his throat. “I’m on medical leave right now, so I’m not supposed to… do you have my address?”

“Yes, detective, I have it right here on file. I’ll swing by at three, does that work for you, sir?”

“Yes, it does. At three at my house. Got it. Thank you.”

“No problem, sir. And also, I wanted to check whether you filed already for a TRO?”

Danny knew he _knew_ that acronym, but it was like his thoughts were wading through molasses and he just couldn’t make them connect to one another.

“Excuse me?”

“A TRO, sir. Temporary restraining order.” Of course! He knew that. “I understand that it might look unnecessary if Mr Smith is already in custody and awaiting trial with no bail, but sir, it is also the first step into getting a more permanent protection order. I’ll explain it all to you this afternoon. I’ll be at three at your house.”

_Jesus._

“Okay, Detective, see you then.”

The phone beeped and the call was over. 

Danny shuddered. It was hard to reconcile the Kyle he had met at a bookstore with the man Mahelona was talking about. If it wasn’t because Danny had been present to his own brief, although bone-chilling, episode of abuse, he might not have been able to think him doing that either. Three offences in less than two years. Ex-husband! _Damn_. Danny’s head reeled. There was so much he didn’t know. He definitely needed a shower now. 

He stepped into the bathroom once again. Phone still clutched in his hand. He felt restless and jittery, like finally, after almost thirty-six hours after the fact, dust was settling enough for Danny to start making sense of the events and they didn’t quite fit with the image he had of himself and of Kyle, and even less with the ideas he had of them together. He looked up and noticed he was standing in front of the mirror, and his gaze was drawn to the one point that truly stood out on his face. The bruise was darker than it had been before and without his Ma’s magic cream, some of the bruise had kind of leaked under his eye and settled there. It didn’t feel hot to the touch this time, though, just tender.

He examined his profile and turned to the front again. Kono’s words about friendship came to his head, and then Steve drilling the concept of Ohana into the team and Danny himself, and then Chin offering to commit a few misdemeanours on his behalf if the need ever arose. 

_Fine_ , thought Danny, _I’m not okay, but I have a team of friends that will get me there._ And with that, he turned and stepped into the shower; he had a full day ahead.


End file.
